I am feeling some hostility today, so let’s discuss the things that make me crazy. Some obviously carry more bad karma than others, so they are listed in no particular order. In case you are curious, I still don’t have my loan papers due to an underwriter that decided in the 11th hour to demand more paperwork and conditions. I can appreciate that the mortgage industry is on shaky ground…but come on! (I have what is known as a “good sense” file, even though I have recently experienced “declining income”.) Yes, I took a pay cut to move here. Yes, it was intentional. Yes, I am spending less money by not traveling every other day and not living in California. Yes, this is the least expensive house we have ever bought. Yes, this was the best decision ever.

The mortgage CRISIS will never recover if they continue to make it difficult for good people with great credit and a consistent record of solid employment and a reasonable down payment to secure loans. Bite me, I am annoyed. Carry on with the list.

• Polo shirts – particularly with “dress shorts” or khakis. Who decided that this should be the uniform of the American man? Can you please choose something that has some originality and actually denotes a personality?
  
• Whistling, singing, and humming in public. It’s great that you have happiness coursing through you, but I really don’t need to know about it while you are standing behind me in line at the market. Please keep your thoughts inside your own head and shut up.
  
• Slow drivers. Get off the road and take the bus. Some of us actually have places to go and we’d like to get there today.
• Throat clearing and excessive noises involving saliva. Please just cough and get it out. If you need to clear your throat or make disgusting sounds like you have TB, then you should probably go see a doctor. Don’t make me wish that you really DO have TB.
  
• Sweaty people. If you suspect that you are going to be hot, please have some compassion for the people around you. Wear a little extra deodorant that day and strongly consider a shirt with short sleeves. No one, and I mean no one, wants to bear witness to your sweaty armpits. This is particularly offensive if you happen to also possess hairy ones.
• Bumper stickers. Is it really that important for you to declare your sexuality, your political views, the fact that your kid is on the honor roll (and probably also gets beat up), on the back of your car? There are more constructive ways to boost your self-esteem. It will also keep me from wanting to run you off the road, just for the principle of it.
• Stupid people. It’s bad enough that they are stupid, so it is only right that they are the ones bearing the most children and suing the most people. Keep that circle of life going strong.
• Summer and Holiday Travelers. This probably shouldn’t still bother me because I am not in airports and airplanes every day, but it does. Guess what, if you travel once or twice a year, you don’t get to bitch about your crappy seat, the lines in security or the fact that the gate agent wasn’t smiling at you when you were yelling because the plane is 1/2 hour late or that your monstrous carry-on doesn’t fit in the overhead. You don’t get to complain, you just don’t. And let me throw this out so that it doesn’t come as some surprise to you…airports have increased security! Shock! Awe! When going through security please take your shoes off, empty your pockets, and CARRY YOUR DAMN BOARDING PASS. Once through security, walk at a brisk pace in order to get out of the way of all the people behind you that know what they are doing and where they are going.
  

Sigh…I still have rage but it seems manageable now. As I often say to Michael, “get off your soapbox”. I will take that advice and stew quietly here in the corner until my loan docs come in. Hope everyone else is having a good Friday.