A good wholesome gay-themed weekend

“Ladies, Take the Yard!” was the battle cry of the evening at Saturday’s garden party Drag Bingo. If it were at all possible, I would claim that it was even more hot and humid than the previous version. This of course meant that a good queen needed to choose the shortest and most transparent dress in the closet. Quite delightful on the hairier ones. Nonetheless bingo was fun, the drag queens were hilarious (although melting), and we had another great night raising money for the Alliance of AIDS Services – Carolina.

The gayness just didn’t stop there. Oh no. Michael coincidentally needed a gardening hat, as we planned to start clearing the jungle that is masquerading as our new front yard. We were told that the previous owner liked her flowers. OOOO-K. Liking them and leaving them to grow to such monstrous dimensions that they can consume small children and animals, are entirely different things. If anyone in the neighborhood is missing someone, they should check our front hedges first. On Sunday we literally hacked away a 3×6 section of rosemary away from the front porch and filled 3 bins with other various pieces of lawn debris. We barely made a dent in the foliage.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that Michael wore his new gardening hat that afternoon. I think he looks adorable in it, but he also resembles a darling gay cowboy. I wanted him to wear it during our walk with Iona later that night, but he was concerned that we’re already confusing the neighbors. Man with earrings, couple with no kids, California license plates…the Southern lynching could begin at any minute. Best we not speed up the process with the gay cowboy stuff.

Since it was damn hot in the urban jungle, I tied one of his bandannas around my head. Of course that prompted him to reciprocate the name calling, “You look like Aunt Jemima”, he yelled across the yard. Uh yeah…thanks Brokeback. For those that haven’t seen me recently, you can rest easily that I haven’t changed that much.

We’ll be back in our alter-ego states later this week when the city empties out our bins. You will find Gay Cowboy and Aunt Jemima up on the porch with sharp tools in hand, waiting for the head Drag Queen to yell, “Ladies, TAKE THE YARD!”.

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