Is it possible to get stagnant in just a few months? Everyone knows that I like change. It’s why I get the urge to move, to travel, to throw things out and start again. Of course change does not come without complications and frustration. And it is the latter that I’ve been feeling lately; in regards to the lack there of. I know it has been less than three months since we moved and barely three weeks since we bought the house. And I want things changing now, now, now. I want construction to start and I want to move into the neighborhood. I want to paint and install things and bust down walls. I hate being so reliant on other people’s time and the bureaucracy of permits and variances and other important and archaic things on paper. Sigh.
I was supposed to be in Los Angeles this past weekend, but needed to postpone the trip due to some schedule issues here. That is probably contributing more to my temperament than I realize, as I was really looking forward to it. So instead I took a road trip by myself on Sunday. I drove fast and hard and as long as I could without actually making my husband worry and having to miss work today. I drove most of the way without cruise control, because it was the physical aspect of the drive that made me feel better. It wasn’t quite like driving 90 down the 405, but it was the best I could do on short notice. At one point, in a moment of weakness, I tuned my radio to 106.7 with a glimmer of hope that KROQ would somehow have transmitted across the distance. No luck, but I did run across an interesting station that was playing “Bread and Water” by Ryan Gingham. I caught the song midway through and the station completely cut out shortly after it ended. Apparently that was all I was meant to hear, and that turned out to be just fine by me. I don’t have all the lyrics, but there were a couple that stood out.
“I’ve been to California, went to North Carolina. Hung with the hippies in Austin and the cowboys in Mexico.”
“Long way from nowhere, wishing I was somewhere.”
That’s me at the moment. It’s been so long since I’ve been still, that I equating it with a lack of change. It is a coming and I just need to be patient and breathe. Since I am not ready to move to Mexico, this needs to be my somewhere.