We have a cat and a dog, and they are good pets. Oftentimes needy, but definitely good. I also have a third pet. One that is all mine and one that is never more than 3 inches from me. I suppose I should be thankful that he’s extended his distance that much, as previously we’ve just been connected. His name is Bernie and he is a giant elephant.

Bernie is big. Bernie is bossy. Bernie likes to sit on my chest. Bernie also changes color depending on his mood. And since he sits on my chest most of the time, his color greatly affects mine. When he is bright red and angry, I can feel my temperature rising. When he is blue and sad, so am I. When he is bright and green, I want to ask about things I know I shouldn’t and I push lots of buttons. When he is yellow, I am calm. When he is pink, I am filled with ADD and jumping around like a five year-old. He is rarely gray and he rarely lets me sleep.

Sometimes I run as fast as I can to get away from Bernie, but he keeps catching me. So I take great pleasure in the moments where he steps far enough away so that I can breathe and just simply be.

Iona my dear, bite the elephant. Bite him hard so that he goes away. Go away, Bernie. Go away.