For the most part, I’ve been on a steady upward climb in 2010. Not to say that some weeks haven’t been met by a rock slide or in some cases a complete tumble backwards, but I’ve always managed to dust off and go again. Most days I feel pretty freaking awesome.
So why then go invisible to the masses? Why delete the blog? Stop the notes? Avoid questions? Stop answering emails? Selfishness, of course. Pure, unapologetic selfishness. It needed to be all about me, baby.
I love my family, adore my friends, appreciate the unknown readers, respect the lurkers, and value my coworkers, extended family, and new recruits. I also welcome any and all comments, as they keep me energized. Some of the notes and emails I’ve received from people have literally kept me pushing forward another day, or made me contemplate the goodness that exists in my life. And from many of you…I’ve realized how lucky I am to have you as a part of my place…as nothing is as inspiring to me as mutual motivation. For that I thank you.
But things all aren’t pretty, are they? For the manipulative, my writing was a way to locate my weak spots. To exploit the turmoil that I was going through and feed off of it. For some it was a way to find out what and where Michael was, and to interpret things about our relationship that just weren’t there. This isn’t a “Where’s Michael” game. If you want to know what’s happening with him, then ask him. If he answers, then he wants to talk. If he doesn’t, then let it be. Because this my friends, is all about me. Yes, he is and will continue to be a big part of it…and yes, I will someday write about the dirt in a cathartic fashion. But don’t misconstrue; these are my words, and my life.
Let’s throw some stuff on the table again, just so the playing field is even. Michael and I have been officially separated since July 2009 and are planning to file for divorce in July 2010 (thanks NC for your mandatory one-year waiting period). There were months last year that sucked harder than anything either of us have done before, and hopefully we will individually never endure pain like that again. Some things you forgive, but you never, never, never forget.
We are friends now and talk often. There are weeks that we see a lot of each other and get along swimmingly. Other weeks we keep our distance and just play nice in the sandbox when necessary. I think I can say for both of us though, that this is a good place for us to be. We have separately moved on with our lives; yet expect the other person to always be a piece of it. No longer the heart or the core; but perhaps a limb.
So there you have it. My invisibility cloak is off. If you want to know about me, my life, and what the heck I am choosing to do with it…then this is your place. If you have other nefarious intentions, then by all means keep reading and judge away. Just know that you’ll have better results by going straight to the source. Take your own cloak off, and go to the source. This one is all about me.