So you wanna get with me
Say you got all I want
Say you got all I need
So you think that you’re the one
Who deserves my love
But love takes respect and I will take nothing less
If you don’t know the rules I’ll explain the rules to you
Treat me right, I’m yours for life
Treat me wrong, I’m gone
Make it sweet, I’ll never leave
Make me cry, it’s bye, bye
Gotta be good to me, baby
You gotta treat me right

I’m on a quest to find a new gym. Don’t get me wrong, I really like the two that I currently belong to…but I belong to two. I belong to two and then I also have a running team. So I guess that really makes three. Oh, and then there is the small-group plyometrics training that I hit up a couple of times a month. So, is that technically four? Oh hell. No wonder I have to schedule my workouts on the calendar. My alarm goes off at 5a every morning and I rely on my iPhone to tell me where to drive to. Trust me, Iona the amazing corgi is of absolutely no help at that time of day. Unless food is somehow involved…

Why two, or three, or four? Well, because no one has yet to fulfill my every whim and desire. One gives me the strength and 6am-socialness I crave, the second gives me variety and rainy-day options, the third the endurance and cardio training I require, and the fourth simply kicks my ass. I also have some yoga for brain balance and selfish flexibility. So yeah, one potato, two potato, three potato, four…

With all that, I should be the epitome of external awesomeness. Admittedly though, all this crazy traveling and Jason’s deployment have rendered me without consistency. Some days I am true to the course, and other days you might as well hand me a plate of nachos and spin me in a vicious circle.

In my little mind then, it made sense to sign up for trials at four more gyms. Yes, I said four. Four more.

Onward to the quest! Stay the course! Follow the beam!

Along this journey to the perfect gym, I have encountered some surprisingly imperfect customer service. This shouldn’t have shocked me, but it did. You see, a gym goer like me isn’t a one-time purchase. I’m not strolling in, paying for a couple months, dirtying twelve towels and then never crossing your threshold again. Noooooo….when I’m in, I’m in. You want me on your side. You want me as your advocate. You want me singing your song. Why? Why, you may ask?

1. Well for starters, I will talk about you. I will rave about the things I love and entice my friends to give you a try. I’m pretty insistent about leading a healthy life and I’m pretty influential when I want to be. And if you don’t impress me, well then I will talk about that too.
2. I can be a brand whore. I want to wear your cute t-shirts to the market. I want to run through an airport with your tight sweatshirt. And I look like I work out. I may not be your “after” photo, but I am most certainly not your “before”. You shall not be embarrassed by your mark across my ass.
   
3. I know how to use my voice. I am a social being. Both in this real-life, and that virtual one as well. I have been known to tag, to tweet, to like, to link. And my many friends have much more clout than me.
4. I crave a community. My pretty man is currently serving the rest of us in a far off desert, and my family lives far away. My friends are lovely, but they sometimes require lives of their own. Therefore my gym should be an extension of my other addictions.
5. You’d like me. I volunteer, I drink, I swear profusely, I am on-time, I work out hard, I try new things, I can afford you, I am a leader, and I am known to listen and agree while enduring group pain in a way that I do not do in any other time or place in my life. For you, and for you only, I will be “cooperative”.
   
6. I am a poster-child for many things, so why not yours? 

So, I have not been wowed…until…that is…until I came upon the most magical place perceivably on the face of this great earth. OK, I might also be known to embellish. It DOES though, appear to be an awesome place here in Raleigh for a select group of adult individuals that appreciate being bendy, biking fast, and burning off Paleo baked goods. YOGA! CYCLING! BOOTCAMP! EVENING SOCIALS! ON-LINE SCHEDULING! And I must say that the customer service from this gym is out of this freaking world! Personalized service, late night responses, social shout-outs, unexpected discounts…it’s everything I have been seeking, and all that I didn’t know I could have!

So, what’s the problem? Well…they aren’t actually open for business yet. Sigh. It looks like I will be balancing my five, or six, or seven gyms until such time as those floors are laid and those bikes are assembled and they welcome me with outstretched arms. Wait, will that then make eight gyms? Sigh. I seriously have issues.

As an aside, please check out a little shop called Take Heart if you are ever in Blowing Rock, North Carolina. In fact, just do me this and go to their Facebook page and “like” them. Like them a lot. Not only is it a vision of eclectic and precious little clothes and gifts, it is also staffed by some of the most “beautiful” people. Take Heart, you made me happy with my purchase; you made me tear up with my loved one’s purpose. Not an easy feat in less than 10 minutes. You have my heart.