Shove it Up Under Your Umbrella

Now that it’s raining more than ever
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

~ Rihanna – Umbrella

I think all my happiness is ruining my snarkiness. I find that when I sit down to write, whether at work or for personal, that I want to be all motivational and inspirational. I feel so damn good, and I’m so ferociously in love with my husband, that the tone of my tales just rises to the bubbly top. Yeah, I get that it’s probably annoying, but I just don’t seem to have anything to complain about.

That was until the rains came.

Sure, I still don’t REALLY have anything to complain about, and I’m probably just edgy because the condo we fell in love with over the weekend has fucktard sellers and we desire to stay out of their drama and are thereby passing on the perfect place. And yes, after five back-to-back weekends with my #hothusband, we are now going 11 days without seeing each other. Girl gets edgy.

So the rain…we’ve been having a string of rain here in Nashville. While I am indeed solar-powered, this is not the reason I wanted to stab someone today. No, it was because of their umbrella.

Umbrellas seem to bring out the stupid in people. They bring out the sheer lack of awareness and interpretation of personal space. And are they REALLY necessary every single time it rains and for every amount of precipitation? No I say, NO! 

Seriously, why cover yourself with a 9-foot umbrella to walk into the gym? Are we not just going to turn around and run 400m in said rain? And then only to sweat profusely after jumping rope 450 times and doing 150 squat jumps and sit-ups? Yes, that latter part made me wet. Wetter than the rain.

And to the man this morning who seemed intent on poking out my eyes with his ‘rain-retardant-stick’ as we walked into the building…I do not think the sprinkles were going to damage your khakis, corporate polo and Super Cuts hair. Another method would have been to simply pick up the pace a little, dodge the drops, and NOT POKE ANYONE IN THE HEAD.

Whew, I almost forgot how cathartic a little snarkiness could be. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll have something else to shove up under your umbrella.

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