Actually my name is Max. It’s MAX. My name is MAAAX!
They say that I’m three. They say I’m a Shar-Pei, a boxer, a mutt. I’m told I’m a ‘rescue’, a little dim, damn protective and neurotically emotional. They just might be right.
Usually I live with the Dad at the beach, but he’s at school for the next month somewhere else, so now I live with the Mommy. The Mommy lives in the city. There is no sand to run on, but there are elevators, and long hallways, and lots of car rides. And there is SO much to pee on!
They left me alone the first night and I cried and cried and ate through my crate. The second day they took me to camp and I got kicked out 30 minutes later. I was just sad and worried that they wouldn’t come back. The Mommy and the Dad are my fourth parents, but I like them the best. I love them so hard I want to eat people for them.
I went to a different camp the next day and that was better! I still cried a little and got sad, but the Mommy came to get me, just like she said she would. We went for a long walk and when we got home I ate, drank my water and went to bed. It’s hard being me. At night I sleep on the Mommy; I sleep on her legs so she can’t run away.
This is a weird place to live. Some of the big glass walls open and some don’t. I find the ones that don’t with my face. Thank goodness my head is hard and my face is big.
Yesterday this little white fuzzy thing in the elevator yelled at me and tried to bite my face. He made me feel bad. Next time I just might eat him. Then I won’t feel so bad. The Mommy might be mad though, so I better think this through. No, I think I will just eat the rat thing.
The Dad is here this weekend and that is good. The Mommy laughs all the time and the Dad is happy. I went to the park and the pet store and on walks and for many car rides. I just wish they wouldn’t lock me in the bathroom so much. Other than that, I am Max. I AM MAX. My name is MAAAX!
One response to “Hello, My Name is Dumbass”
“I love them so hard I want to eat people for them.”
Best. Line. EVER.
(PS I’m just now catching up on all of these. So So good, even though the material is not so great. Oh, Max……)