Hello, My Name is Jackass

My name is Max. It’s MAX. My name is MAAAX!

MAXThey say I struggle with self-control. They say I have no self-preservation skills. I’m told I’m fiercely loyal and that I have some separation anxiety. Ok, maybe a lot. Just because I miss my people and would kill for them, doesn’t seem like a big issue to me.

The Mommy said I graduated this week. She said I graduated from Dumbass to Jackass; I may have been testing the Mommy this week. IT’S NOT MY FAULT. The Dad did say the Mommy had it easy in Nashville, but that’s not what happened!! I just really missed everybody and truth? I would rather stay home and lay in bed than go to camp. I get to watch my shows at home and look out the window and lay in the Mommy’s pillows. Camp is not as soft.

On Monday I tried to fly. I tried to jump over a wall in the parking garage and the Mommy said “she saved me.” I’m not sure what was the big deal, but apparently three stories is too high for me to jump over.

On Tuesday I may have put my mouth on the camp boss lady. I wasn’t trying to hurt her, I just wanted her to know that I was more important than the stupid little twit she was attending to. And yes, I may have tried to hump a new friend. He was asking for it; he was shaking his tail at me and he WAS cute. 

The Mommy gave me a very long talk on the way to camp the next day.

I held it together until Thursday, and then apparently things went array. It’s NOT MY FAULT. Seriously, the man had a little hand. All I wanted was for the man to stop mopping the floor and pay attention to me. I barked at him and he ignored me. It’s so not my fault that his tiny little non-man hand fit so nicely inside my large face. Grow a bigger hand, dude. Man up.

Word is, I got kicked out of another camp. Whatever, now  I get to sleep on the Mommy’s pillows. SCORE!

So this weekend! The Mommy was around a LOT. I got walks, I met two ‘walkers’, I got to sleep in and snuggle…AND I MET A GIRL. Her name is Rockette and I might be in love. Whoa.  Seriously whoa; I thought I liked boys. Saturday was a big day. How do I tell the Mommy I want to see her again?

Word is I am getting one of the walker girls this week and that I better mind my manners. Fuck, this being Max stuff is hard. So so so so hard. It’s hard to be Max. I am Max. I AM MAX. My name is MAAAX!


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