So What; I’m Still a Rock Star

So, so what
I’m still a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don’t need you,
And guess what,
I’m having more fun,
And now that we’re done,
I’m gonna show you tonight,
I’m alright,
I’m just fine,
And you’re a tool,
So, so what,
I am a rock star,
I got my rock moves,
And I don’t want you tonight.

~Pink: So What

I once thought that the move to Raleigh was as cathartic as it was going to get. I mean, unrealized marital happiness notwithstanding; I left the city of Los Angeles that I loved, I left the most fulfilling job I had had to date, and I left friends that were more like family. My Anne is not an emotional being, but I will never forget the look on her face…that day at brunch…when I tried in vain to casually drop that we were moving across the country. My Ken looked at me in horror, and then hugged me hard. If only he liked girls more than boys…

You’d think that the move from my childhood and familial homestead of Wisconsin would have been harder. But as my mom has said, she knew when I was in the 4th grade that I would move away. There was not a damn thing wrong with Wisconsin, or the town I grew up in, or my amazing family, it was simply that I didn’t belong there. Nothing more; nothing less. I can remember sitting on a short metal stool in the old Appleton Public Library as a small child and looking upwards at the giant book stacks and knowing…just knowing…I knew there was a weird and wild and big world and I wanted to see as much of it as possible before I imploded.

Honestly, I often wish that the nomad in me quieted down enough so that I could actually feel at home somewhere, but she stays loud and roaring. Thankfully Jason runs faster than she does.

With every move there is a loss of people. Sometimes its because of something I’ve said or done in the stress of the situation, in others it is simply that we weren’t close enough to sustain a distance, and in a select few it is because the relocation gives us a reason to truly separate. With almost all of them, I honestly hope for a reintroduction on new terms.

Of course there are those that are best left alone and never the twain shall meet. And for those that wish me wrong and hope the swells of the ocean swallow me up…eh, move on. I do not hope the same of you. I am not important enough for either your hatred or your obsession; and yet, I am still a rock star.

The move to Virginia is again…cathartic. Raleigh, Wilmington, and North Carolina in its entirety is a special breed and I’m not entirely disheartened to have left it behind. I lost a marriage, I committed potential career suicide, I endured an infidelity, I committed one, and I met, loved and lost more than a few. Most importantly though, I found myself; I found my purpose, and I found my people. My fabulous boys, my fellow LLS supporters, my freaking awesome husband, my passionate iContact team, and strangely enough…my intensely gorgeous girls. (Female friendship is a unique beast and I am grateful for it.) Thanks my loves for letting the pieces fall. Thanks for being willing and able to move on together. Thank god for all my rock stars.

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.
Tupac Shakur

3 responses to “So What; I’m Still a Rock Star”

  1. You will always be a rock star!! Can’t wait till our paths cross again. Hugs from the whole gang and enjoy Virginia 😘

    • Our paths WILL cross again! While packing and unpacking, I found so many great reminders of the LLS and of the Paryz family. You all hold such a special place in my heart and my life. So grateful to know you all (and especially that adorable Josh)!! Big hugs! xoxo

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